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Conversation
The art of
There are different styles of conversation, all too often a monologue for the nervous, ill at ease, or egocentric among us. But there is a different way, a more relaxed one. This is a practiced art, and one of the nicest descriptions of those who practice it well includes paying attention to the other person, their thoughts, their ideas, all of which puts them at ease, no matter what the situation, whether with a neighbor, boss, dignitary or others.
Encourage Participation
Perhaps it is my psychologist background, but I notice who is not at ease, often not participating or sometimes overtaking others. Then I encourage a more equitable distribution of "talking" by asking questions. Now that is an art. Certainly we can ask random, even silly questions, but to ask good, interesting, and thoughtful ones is another thing all together. Practice writing down a few, to bring along with you, as well as the bouquet of flowers or bottle of wine to the next dinner party you attend. They may be the nicest gift of all, to stimulate good conversation and inclusion of others.
Beyond the what and where
Here it is not a matter of good or bad questions, but another way of looking at it. On cruise ships, I lecture on "The Art of Conversation" and its appropriate since after one dinner with a table of 8, 10, or even 4, we can easily run out of conversation. After all, to repeat the where
are you from, what do you do (so North American to ask that one), details about family, then what is left? Certainly, not the same thing the second and third time we see the same people.
So Where Do We Go From Here?
Its a matter of putting others, and through the process ourselves, at ease. So start with closed ended questions, those that can be answered with a simple yes or no or a short reply. Yet, don't stop there but continue with follow-up questions that allow a more thoughtful and expansive response, and these are open ended questions.
On cruise ships, I will explain this as the "where are you from?" question followed by "what do you enjoy about living there" question types. With your hands in your lap, the first is a closed fist, the second is an open palm. Its a good way to remember and be flexible yourself, with opening and closing your hand.
It took on a humorous tone on one cruise, where I suggested guests way to me that way, with their hands in motion, open and then closed. It became a kind of signal from one guest to another as well. Most importantly it was fun, created connection among people who went beyond the "hello, how are you" stage to enjoyable conversation.
So What Does this Have to Do with Living Well and Interior Design?
In the larger perspective, hopefully living well and design are well connected, since living well suggests, for us, inviting others into our lives, either in conversation at a luncheon table of strangers, with our relatives, with those around us at church, concerts, the art museum and elsewhere.
And interior design has to do with creating an environment to enjoy and experience an elevation of our thoughts, spirit, and openness to life. That is our framework, as interior designers in adding beauty and harmony to our lives, shared with others. Perhaps this is and may become your perspective as well.